Sexual Abuse, Rape, and Incest — What You Don’t Tell May Destroy You

Shhh!Simone, a shockingly beautiful teen, is on the downward spiral of destruction as she battles incest and self-hatred. She is the 14-year old daughter of affluent parents who expect her to be the perfect, well-behaved child. She can’t tell anyone what is happening to her because it would tear the family apart and ruin their image. She feels trapped. So she keeps quiet and resorts to dealing with the pain on her own terms. Cutting is her only way out.

What could Simone have done differently to change her fate and that of her family? How could she have better dealt with the shame and pain of incestuous sexual abuse? I imagine it must be extremely difficult for some to share this horrific secret, but what you don’t tell may destroy you. Check out this article below; it breaks it all down for you.
To learn more about Simone, order a copy of Who Is He To You today at www.MoniqueDMensah.com

###

Sexual Abuse, Rape, and Incest — Finding Your Voice

By Donna Eder

Sexual exploitation takes the innocence and power from victimized children. There is a way to become empowered again. As long as an abused child remains stuck in guilt and shame, the perpetrator is still in control. The adult survivor of childhood abuse will remain a controlled victim. The key to freedom and empowerment is disclosure. Disclosure means, “telling”. Exposing the truth about sexual exploitation is the victim’s choice. No one has the right to force a victim of a sexual predator to confront him. There are a variety of methods of disclosing the sexual violence in one’s life. There is no one right way to disclose. Since one’s trust is grossly broken in sexual abuse, rape, and incest, it is particularly important for one to carefully and delicately decide for herself how to go about “telling”. The critical point is to tell, tell in one’s own timing, and in one’s own way. Perhaps a listener will be a sister, lover, or good friend to share one’s “secret”. Perhaps the victim of sexual abuse will find help expressing her thoughts about her sexual exploitation to a teacher, minister, therapist, doctor, or another person of authority. Perhaps one will find solace through writing, painting, or composing music to disclose the pain. One thing to keep in mind is this, “You are only as sick as the secrets you keep.” It does not matter how long it takes someone to tell. The sexual victim’s empowerment only depends on telling her story of sexual abuse, incest, and/or rape, sometime, and in some way. Now may not be the right time to disclose. There will be a right time later, when the sexually abused victim feels it is safe for her to tell her story. When one is able, take the time to disclose. Empowerment, fulfillment, and happiness throughout one’s life depend on it. Without disclosure, the victim’s pain will stagnant and seethe, crippling one emotionally. “Survivors of abuse are six times more likely to become abusive parents. Forty-five percent of abused children become adult alcoholics.” (http://www.pcao.org/whatis/stats.cfm) Nondisclosure has been shown to have long-term consequences for the sexually exploited. These consequences can include, but are not limited to: difficulty trusting others, trouble expressing emotions in a positive manner, difficulty coping with stress, poor impulse control, addictive behavior, destructive behavior, self mutilation, anger, anxiety, depression, PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder), psychiatric disorders, eating disorders, suicidal thoughts and actions, difficulty with authority figures, sexual problems, sleep disturbance, low self esteem, isolation, shame, confusion, fear, and many other dysfunctions. Long-term consequences can be averted, or positively transformed, through disclosure. When one expresses and tells her abuse story, she begins to have a recovery story. Telling allows the devastated soul and inner child to have a voice. A person who chooses to live victoriously validates her life with her own voice. She denounces the perpetrator and claims back the power that was so viciously stolen from her. To break free from remaining a victim of sexual exploitation, claim your voice (http://thevoicesareloud.blogspot.com).

About the Author of This Article

Donna Eder is a published author and internationally juried artist. Her passions are compassion, teaching, and creativity. She has a Master of Arts from Columbia University, NY.

Advertisements

5 responses to “Sexual Abuse, Rape, and Incest — What You Don’t Tell May Destroy You

  1. As a 6 yr. old I was molested by my uncle. I couldn’t tell anyone, who would believe me. I was abandoned by my parents and should have been grateful to the uncle for taking me in. He’s been dead 25 yrs and I still hate him. When touched by a man I didn’t not invite to my body, my reaction is still violent. One man said I behaved as if he slapped me when he touched my arm.

    Recently I talked to my therapist about the dreams I had about my 6 yr old granddaughter. I wanted to know why in my dreams she was always in danger. One dream was so horrible, my body was stiff from acting out the dream in my sleep and I was told I was screaming during the night. My therapist asked what was going on in my life at that age? After a moment of thought I said “Being molested by my uncle.” She told me I was reliving my past fears through my granddaughter in my dreams. I’m glad I talked to her about it, the dreams stopped after that conversation.

    I’m almost 60 now as I type this and there are still tears in my eyes. I still feel violated and have never felt safe in a relationship. Watch your children people.

  2. Dear Me,
    Thank you for sharing such intimate details of your life. And for your advice to watch our children. That is the most we can do. Watch and Listen and Trust them. No, we can’t stop evil completely, but we should be aware that it exists inside of our families, churches, and schools. Family doesn’t always equal safety. God bless you, healing is a life long process! -Nakia

  3. I wonder if incest is a family trait. I say this because two cousins, direct decendants of this uncle, also molested their neices and children in the neighborhood. This happened some years ago but I just found out about it.

  4. Me, thank you so much for sharing. I can’t imagine how hard it must have been for you to go through life holding in this secret. I’m glad that you had the forethought to participate in counseling in order to heal your pain. We all could learn a lot from you. I’m sure almost everyone has either experienced sexual abuse or knows someone who has (unfortunately it is that common). It just takes courage from the victims to speak up and put an end to their internal torture.

    I’m not sure about incest being a family trait, but there is research being done to conclude if pedophilia is hereditary. Many pedophiles claim that their attraction to children is an uncontrollable urge that they were born with and can not rid themselves of. Maybe it’s inherited. If this is true, this may be the reason why it is so prevalent in your family.

  5. i was molested as a child and i am finally reporting to the cops, you are right when you said, were only as sick as are secrets.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s